Eddie Harold used a tape recorder
When he had one of his girlfriends over
He didn't want to miss a single scream
His friends all laughed when he played it later
You had to wonder, did he really hate her?
Girls always made him nervous, that's to blame
And makin' love was just a crazy game
The woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks

In her apartment was a plastic altar
She'd light a candle when her courage faltered
Sometimes the world got a little hard to bear
It wasn't easy living in the city
She wasn't clever and she wasn't pretty
She chanted in the night but no one cared
The woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks

Freddie's wife became a topless dancer
Had bondage parties with a Turkish bouncer
She's been evicted, the police have got her car
She tried to sell an antique shotgun
She said she knows some crazy guy who wants one
Her parents said "You're not our daughter, you're a whore.
It's over and you don't live here anymore."
The woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks

The woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks
The woodwork squeaks and
"Strangers In The Night"
The woodwork squeaks and
"Papa's Got A Brand New Bag"
The woodwork squeaks and
"The Shadow Of Your Smile"
The woodwork squeaks and
"Take The Last Train To Clarksville"
The woodwork squeaks and out come the frea